so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
