If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want to make out with him forever
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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