Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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