Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
