I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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