So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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