the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
