M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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