D3 body, D1 cock
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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