epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
