I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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