I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
