The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
