I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize