My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She bit a glass in half.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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