does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
