Umm I'm too high to move.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
