i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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