mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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