Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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