I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
