So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
