arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
