she woke up with a sticky ear
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
