The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They took my balls.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
