there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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