he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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