Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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