I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize