I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
