hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
