I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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