It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
