I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
