Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
