Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
