Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
