Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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