Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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