Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
