Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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