Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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