I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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