do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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