you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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