You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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