'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need water and some morals
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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