i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
