So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
