Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
