Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
