PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
