Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think my vagina is haunted
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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