why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
