I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you're hired as official boob wrangler
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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