Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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