Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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