You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
