If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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