She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
