You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
