She is in my trunk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
