I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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