i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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