Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
