no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
