my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
