I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
