9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
